Studying with Cats AKA ANTI-STUDY DEMONS OF DEATH

A few weeks ago, I was moving an exercise machine a little too enthusiastically and, as we brought it around a corner, it dinted the wall.

Now this dint was tiny. It was barely perceptible. And as a result I figured we could leave it be. But my cat decided that this IMPERCEPTIBLE and IMMOVABLE dint was the most fun thing ever. I have no idea why. But it would constantly try and grab it or swat at it. This was mostly just entertaining. Until last week, when I came home to this.

The cat had managed to get a claw behind the paint and had torn a gigantic strip of it right off the wall. This imperceptible dint was now the most glaring wound in the wall I’d ever seen. And as I stood there seething, it led me to reflect on how frequently the cat has gone out of its way to impede my life.

Now, if you have a cat, then you know that they can be adorable, affectionate little critters. But if you study and have a cat, then you also probably know that they can be ANTI-STUDY DEMONS OF DEATH that do their very best to ensure that the important assignment you have due tomorrow doesn’t get done.

This isn’t a myth. This is a real thing. Any cat owner will be able to tell you this. And the thing is, the later you’ve left an assignment and the more stressed you are, the more likely your cat is to do everything in its demonic power to ensure that it doesn’t get accomplished.

My cat seems to be of a particular breed that revels in my suffering. And it begins at the very start of my day. Literally. The simple act of me waking up is enough to send it into ‘DESTROY FUN’ mode.

Getting out of bed is one of my least favourite things in the world, shortly behind ‘people who put the toilet paper backwards’ and ‘putting raisins in salad’ (I mean WHY is that a thing?!). So trying to get out of bed for an early lecture is hard at the best of times. Because this is a hard thing that I hate doing, my cat inevitably does her best to make it EVEN HARDER.

 

It doesn’t matter how early or late it is. The cat is ALWAYS there in time to decide my chest/face is the perfect sleeping spot and that moving is definitely NOT an option.

The only exception to this rule, of course, is on the weekend. Because then I don’t have to wake up for anyone and by golly I’m going to make the most of it because bedissogoodandsleepmmmmmm. But the cat hates this. The cat hates enjoyment and fun and ANYTHING GOOD and comes along to DESTROY IT.

The next task she enjoys sabotaging is typing. Of any kind. Especially when it’s an important assignment and time is critical. Then and only then is the keyboard the most comfortable place in the house for a nap.

And when I’m studying, the textbook transforms into the perfect bed.

I’ve become convinced that my cat has a special vision that makes things appear unbelievably appealing ONLY when they are of the utmost importance to me, and I take my eyes off them for half a second.

And finally, the cat needs the most attention when I am absolutely too busy to give it any, and it will do its very best to make its face the only thing I can actually see.

If, however, I cannot provide the level of attention needed, then BY GOLLY RYAN YOU WILL PAY AND I WILL DESTROY THE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE MOST IN THIS WORLD.

My cat has turned all of this into a fine art. It probably likes to get together with its other cat pals and discuss the latest way it RUINED EVERYTHING or exchange ideas with others on how to most effectively ensure that I suffer a breakdown.

Okay. I’m going overboard now.

Point is, studying is hard, and studying with a cat is HARDER. If you’ve had a similar experience, please let me know so that I don’t feel like my cat is somehow the only one that gets possessed just before exams.

If you somehow have a cat that DOESN’T do this, would you like to trade? I can offer you a cat that comes with:

• regular scratches
• irregular affection
• the thrill of never knowing when you will come home to a completely remodelled wall or a broken mug (for those that don’t like predictability. Or mugs. Or any of the things that you own.)
• inconsistent alarm/snooze mode
• typing assistance
• forced study breaks (but only when you need to study most)

Comment if interested.

Sincerely,

Ryan